I was encouraged to write a customer service letter in regard to a piece of software that was driving my friend mad.
Whether they send it or not is up to them, but feel free to use the following for inspiration in your own customer service endeavors:
---
Dear <Company> customer service center,
I am writing in regard to your <Product> product.
On the recommendation of a colleague I downloaded the trial version of the software for evaluation.
Unfortunately, usability left much to be desired.
In fact, after two hours of using the product I was able to accomplish only the following:
1) Create a large box with 4 other boxes inside of it
2) Realize that in order to select/move the top-left box, I had to move the enclosing box away every time
3) Fall to my knees and thank <insert deity here> that I hadn't shelled out $200 for the Professional version
4) Denounce said deity for allowing <Product> to come into existence in the first place
5) Throw my laptop out the window of a speeding car
#5 being particularly difficult due to the fact that all of the bones in my right hand were shattered from smashing my trackpad in frustration caused by #2 above.
You would be surprised how difficult it is to drive at 140 km/h while steering with your knees and frisbee-ing a laptop over a bridge into an oncoming freight train, especially given that the sulfuric acid was still simmering away, and the piece of rebar I lanced through the device's heart in white-hot, skin-rippling fury precluded a reliance on traditional flying disc aerodynamics.
In the end, however, I feel confident that any sectors on the hard drive still containing bits of <Product> code were rendered completely unreadable, and by that I have done my small part to make the world a happier place.
I applaud your effort on <Product>. However, in the interest of truth in advertising I formally request that you preface all "Buy Now" links on your site with the text, "If you're not suicidal yet, we can help."
You may also want to consider shipping an iron mallet with each copy of <Product> to prevent the hand injuries outlined above.
Thank you, and have a pleasant day.
<insert name here>
Recent Comments